As Lillian gets bigger and her due date draws closer, I can't help but find myself in a constant state of worry about her health, giving birth, and all the possibilities that can arise with a new baby.
I'm worried that she will not make it to her due date. I'm absolutely terrified that something will happen between now and then that takes her life from me. I worry that if she does make it, something will go wrong with the labor and the doctors will rush her out of the room and I'll be left there not knowing what's happening and if she's OK. I'm worried that if we have a good delivery and stay at the hospital, we'll take her home and then wake up to find her not breathing because of something they missed in the hospital, or something that didn't show up in the ultrasounds. I just keep playing all of the possibilities over and over in my mind and every day pray that my water will break so we can have her here with us and do everything we can to keep her safe.
I realize these are all things that I shouldn't be stewing over in my mind. It can't be healthy to be in a constant state of anxiety but it's so hard to not think about the reality of how fragile life is, and how quickly it can be taken from us.