HDBD:24 Weeks

*How far along?: 24 Weeks

*Total weight gain: who knows!  I don't know if I've gained much this week.

*How big is baby?: The size of an ear of corn

*Sleep?: Sleep is still good with the exception of getting up to pee several times a night.

*Best moment this week?: realizing the baby is so big I can feel him on both sides of my belly stretching and kicking.  Crazy!

*Movement?: Yep.  A lot.

*Food cravings?:  Juice.  I'm not usually a juice drinker, but lately I'm all about it.

*Labor signs?: Nope. Nada.  Not even braxton hicks.

*Belly button in or out?: In, but shallow.

*What I miss:  The ease of being on my feet without getting tired quickly.

*What I'm looking forward to:  Doing the newborn laundry!  Itty bitty clothes!

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HDBD: 23 Weeks

*How far along?: 23 Weeks

*Total weight gain: 7lbs

*How big is baby?: The size of papaya!

*Sleep?: I'm sleeping, but it's good some nights and not so good other nights.  Overall I can't complain.

*Best moment this week?: Lillian taking her first step!

*Movement?: Yes! I can see my belly moving now.  And some nights he moves so much I can't get to sleep.

*Food cravings?:  chocolate.

*Labor signs?: Nope. Nada.  My back is getting sore though and my hips ache.

*Belly button in or out?: In, but definitely getting shallow.

*What I miss: Being able to stand up past 5pm without an aching back/hips

*What I'm looking forward to:  Hopefully another ultrasound soon!


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Latest Happenings

You know how they say when your baby is working on motor skills, the speech skills take a back seat, or vise versa?  Well, leave it to Lillian to NOT do things that way.

Lately her new skills are:

Point to her mouth, ears, hair, belly
Cruise around all the furniture including around corners and from one piece of furniture to another
Point in a book to a dog, car, shoes, fish, cat
Sign dog, more, eat, milk, please
Walk up to 22 steps holding onto both my hands
Take one step independently
Say mama and no (usually it's just Ma, but she's starting to actually add the second syllable)

So clearly she's had a boost in her motor and speech.  She's already 18 months old *tear* so I know this isn't amazing to most people, but it's major major progress for us.  I'm very happy for her and really hope that we don't hit any plateaus while we're on this milestone kick.


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Do you hear that?  Huh?  I SURRENDER.  To whoever it is that decided they wanted to attack my email account and my facebook account simultaneously and change the passwords so I couldn't access them, I surrender.  You win.  I'm official throwing my hands up and saying I'M DONE.  

To the one who shall remain nameless who has been terrorizing my family since Christmas... I surrender to you too.  You win.  You win the biggest asshole award.  Congratulations.  You may join the facebook/email stealer jerk in the group of  "Mean people that are trying to bring the world down one measly person at a time."

To the person at Office Depot that claimed they rid my computer of all viruses in two hours and then charged me the amount of money it takes to feed my family in two weeks, only to have the same virus pop up 3 days later and then my email and facebook hacked into...  I surrender to you - join the other two.  You all win. In fact, you're all the next Charlie Sheen.  You're all  #WINNING hard core.  Pat yourselves on the back.

To the ones who didn't win, but earn an honorable mention for trying:

All I wanted was to find a Grape/Cranberry Juice. JUST Grape and Cranberry.  Every "Grape Cranberry" juice I found in the store - including organic and natural juice brands had this fine print...  "Blended with another juice." You will not win this.  My cravings are bigger than you.  Even if I have to buy simple grape juice and simple cranberry juice and mix them together to get what I want, you still don't win.  And yes, I will be drinking it in a wine glass because when you're pregnant, even ice water tastes better in a wine glass. 

Screw you Electrolux Ergorapido Ulta.  You do not suck adequately.  If it weren't for the fact that you were a Christmas gift from my Mother-In-Law, I would throw you in the trash. My floors deserve better and my nesting instincts will win this battle.  I'm sick of courting you only to find that the low maintenance broom and dustpan cleans my kitchen floor better.

To the Keurig I once loved.  We had such a great relationship.  You were prompt and cheery and giving for over a year.  But then you stopped brewing a full cup of coffee.  In fact now you don't brew anything at all.  Don't think I'm letting you off that easy, you're in this relationship for the long haul.  We can patch this up I'm sure.  XOXOXO


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HDBD: 22 Weeks

*How far along?: 22 Weeks

*Total weight gain: 7lbs
*How big is baby?:  The size of spaghetti squash!

*Maternity clothes?:  Yes, but surprisingly I can still wear my low rise jeans just fine.

*Sleep?:  I'm sleeping fine but daylight savings time sucks.
*Best moment this week?: Lillian learning to sign milk. 
*Movement?: He's really active at night and any time I eat.  Also any time I lean forward... apparently he's not a fan of being smashed.
*Food cravings?:  Carbs.
*Labor signs?: Nope. Nada.

*Belly button in or out?: In, but definitely getting shallow.

*What I miss: wine
*What I'm looking forward to:  Getting Lillian's new crib put together and starting the new bedroom.


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I Saw the Sign

We've been working with Lillian for at least a year with sign language.  We've always signed "more" "all done" "milk" "eat" and just started adding things like "dog" "frog" "cat" "play" etc.  She's imitated some signs here and there, but never instigated them on her own in a way that we knew she was communicating... until today!

Today we had a break through! While waiting for our lunch to arrive at a local restaurant, Lillian signed "eat" and I told her, yes we are going to eat (this is still pretty new and usually she only does it when prompted).  Then I offered her a drink of my water so she could at least have something to drink while we were waiting.  She shook her head no at me and then SHE SIGNED MILK!  I couldn't believe she actually asked for something specifically!  I'm so proud of her first of all that she knew how to ask for milk, and second of all that she was willing to communicate with us rather than just whine or throw a fit. 

Lately I've been doing my best to ignore her whine and ask her what she wants. Then I go through a list of common things she wants and try to sign the ones I know.  It's SO nice to finally communicate with her, even if it's over something so basic.

Lately I've been talking with my therapist about how difficult it is to feel like I keep trying and trying and trying to teach her basic skills to keep up with her milestones, and it's been such a slow and tedious process.  She swore to me once Lillian started communicating more it would become easier on me and more rewarding.  She couldn't be more right.  The big giant teethy grins she's started giving us and the kisses and waving hello has been great.  Each new way she communicates makes us feel like we're getting love back from her and it gives us the drive to keep going and keep trying to teach her.  It really feels great.

You knew this was coming, right? :)

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Building a House

Phil and I have decided to build our next home!  Any wise words of advice?  If you've built your home, where did you look for layouts?  We're obviously going to do some different things with our kitchen because of Lillian (PWS) and plan on having all food secured behind locked doors. 

Any PWS parents want to weigh in on their "dream" design?  Or parents with young growing children in general?

Since this is a short blog entry and I'm basically begging you for advice, here's a little clip of recent pictures:

Modeling one of the custom headbands at Lily and Rose

Playing with cousin Maisie

Desperately trying to get to the bottom of her toybox!
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HDBD: 21 weeks

*How far along?: 21 Weeks

*Total weight gain: 10 lbs

*How big is baby?: The size of a banana (which surprisingly is bigger than a cantaloupe at a whopping 10.5in and 12.7oz), which I just shared with Lillian for breakfast  =)

*Maternity clothes?: Definitely. 

*Sleep?:  Still having craaaazy dreams.  I had a dream this week that I was about to deliver the baby, and we were having a huge pajama party in my giant delivery room.  I was up walking around and all our friends and the nurses were wearing their pj's having a big ol' party!
*Best moment this week?: Yesterday (3/10/11) I saw my belly jump for the first time!  He was really moving around in there!

*Movement?: YES!

*Food cravings?: Nothing too crazy this week.  I definitely have a sweet tooth.
*Labor signs?: Nope. Nada.

*Belly button in or out?: It's a bit shallow

*What I miss: Margaritas
*What I'm looking forward to: mostly nesting.  Our schedule has been pretty crazy the last couple of weeks and I haven't been able to prepare anything :(

Banana baby!

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The Good the Bad and the Ugly

I always procrastinate writing these posts, but I know it wouldn't be true to myself or to other parents that may be going through the same thing if I only show our life through rose colored glasses. 

We'll start with the good, because that's always easier to get out...

Some good things have happened lately.  Lillian's energy has been great since we upped her Carnitine dose (for the first time in a year) and her growth hormones from .6 to .7.  She's standing independently for up to a minute ALL BY HERSELF!  She will pull up and then let go and stand there, usually holding something in her hands, but sometimes just standing there like "hello, look at my new balance trick!"  She's cruising furniture which is her new thing this week.  She side steps all around our sectional couch, her baby gate, her crib, the laundry basket, around corners, whatever she can. 

She's imitating more signs, her new one is "dog".  Today she did a sign for the first time without imitating.  She signed "please" and then pointed to the toy she wanted me to give her.  I'm so thrilled that she's communicating!  She hasn't been saying any words lately.  She never repeated the ones she said a few weeks ago either.  It's hard to feel like we're taking steps back in communication, so I was glad to have the signing pick up this week.  She signed dog, pointed to a dog in a book, pointed to a cat in a book when asked, and  has been showing her receptive language is really improving.  She understands more than we give her credit for.

We went to the orthopedist yesterday to have her spine x-rayed and to talk about treatment for scoliosis and kyphosis.  The doctor went over her x-rays from December, took a look at her back, and said to me "I think her kyphosis has gotten worse."  He sent us for x-rays and when we looked them over, it had actually gotten BETTER!  Her kyphosis had improved 2 degrees and we're both pretty sure all the standing she's doing is really helping.  Her kyphosis is located in the lower part of her back, so the more she stands the more it will correct it.  We're going back in 3 months and if it's better, great, if it's worse, we're going to brace her.

I think that's most of the good, so we'll move on to the bad.

We started swim classes last week.  This is for the most part a good thing, but the first class was nothing like I expected.  In my naive mind I thought putting Lillian in a class for babies 6-36 months would mean I wouldn't have to explain her delays.  I thought that with that kind of range in age, she would just blend in.  I didn't realize that the first class would only have 3 babies (two 10 month olds and then Lillian at 17 months) and an old loud mouthed annoying swim instructor.  I didn't realize the 10 month olds would be bypassing Lillian.  I didn't realize the teacher was going to compare my daughter to the babies that could do things she obviously couldn't.

I can't tell you how many times I bit my tongue while I heard "Lillian, watch (insert other baby's name), they're doing it." Or "Lillian, do (insert request), why don't you (insert request)? Watch, (insert other baby's name) do it, they can do it."

Finally towards the end of the class I found myself saying "I don't think she's going to do it" in a tone that was warning the woman to shut the hell up and quit comparing my daughter to the child that is 9 months younger than her and has obviously been through this class once before. 

Unfortunately, to avoid going through this week after week, I had to do what I didn't think I would have to do.  I had to tell her my daughter has low muscle tone.  She's developmentally delayed.  She has a syndrome and I can't just simply expect her to catch on to the class as quickly as some of the other kids. 

I don't know why it bothered me so much to have to tell this lady that my daughter has a syndrome, but for heavens sakes, why did she have to keep comparing the kids?  I thought this class was for fun. I didn't realize we were training to be the next Michael Phelps.

Anyway, sorry to drag that story out, but it really sucked.  The next class was twice as large and there was less attention on Lillian and I never had to bring up her delays.  The class after that was good too.  Of course there's one really smug mom with her 18 month old daughter that's already swimming laps, jumping off the side of the pool, and clearly does everything the "best" which makes her mother Oh so f@#$%-ing happy.

I know she doesn't mean to rub it in.  But it hurts.  And it's totally my own fault for letting it hurt, not hers.  She's not doing anything wrong by enjoying her amazingly advanced daughter.  It's just hard to see what I thought my life would be like, when in reality it's so so so different.  It will come eventually, just not as easily. Never as easily.

And now for the ugly... as if the bad wasn't ugly enough.

I'm so emotional.  And it's slapping me in the face when least expected. Walking through the children's hospital yesterday the Life Line crew in their jumpsuits came walking towards me with a newborn baby in the life line incubator (or whatever it's called).   It's the little enclosed bed they put a baby in when they fly them from one hospital to the children's hospital via helicopter. 

All these memories came flashing back of the day they took Lillian from us.  I remember saying goodbye after she spent 10 months in my body and 2 days in the special care nursery at our local hospital.  They took her on the helicopter and left us behind.  It was the worst day of my life.  I don't remember anything else about those two days following her birth.  All I remember is delivering her, holding her for a minute or two, and then everything is a blur.  I don't remember visitors, I don't remember nurses, I don't remember any time bonding with her until I was at the NICU later that same afternoon when they took her from us. 

I don't know what to do about that loss of time.  It just makes me so incredibly sad.

I had a dream last night that I was about to give birth to our little boy and the doctor came in and said they had something to tell us.  Our son had an illness they found on an ultrasound and they would have to take him immediately after he's born.  He told us they would give us more information later about what we should expect, and he gave us the name of the illness to research on our own in the meantime.

I know it's just a dream.  And I know our baby is probably fine.  I'm not really worried that something might be wrong with this baby or that they will take him from us after he's born.  I don't *think* we'll have a repeat birth experience.  But I'm obviously still grieving and I seem to be having trouble telling my subconscious to shut the hell up and leave me alone. 

I just want to enjoy this pregnancy, enjoy the birth, and enjoy life.  Is that really too much to ask?  Can I get an emotional break?


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HDBD: Week 20

*How far along?: 20 Weeks
*Total weight gain: around 8lbs?

*How big is baby?: The size of a cantelope, which I devoured after taking the picture :)

*Maternity clothes?: Yep.

*Sleep?: Crazy dreams.  Last night was the first time I was unable to sit up from laying down in bed.  I had to roll out.

*Best moment this week?: Phil felt him move on the outside of my belly last night!

*Movement?: YES!

*Food cravings?: I bought every kind of M&M available at the store today, got home, dumped them all in a bowl, and ate them until I felt sick...  probably not the brightest idea.

*Labor signs?: Nope. Nada.

*Belly button in or out?: It's a bit shallow

*What I miss: Having energy and eating healthy, and wine with dinner

*What I'm looking forward to: Getting started on the nursery and Lillian's big girl room!

Cantelope Baby!

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