New Worries

As Lillian gets bigger and her due date draws closer, I can't help but find myself in a constant state of worry about her health, giving birth, and all the possibilities that can arise with a new baby.

I'm worried that she will not make it to her due date. I'm absolutely terrified that something will happen between now and then that takes her life from me. I worry that if she does make it, something will go wrong with the labor and the doctors will rush her out of the room and I'll be left there not knowing what's happening and if she's OK. I'm worried that if we have a good delivery and stay at the hospital, we'll take her home and then wake up to find her not breathing because of something they missed in the hospital, or something that didn't show up in the ultrasounds. I just keep playing all of the possibilities over and over in my mind and every day pray that my water will break so we can have her here with us and do everything we can to keep her safe.

I realize these are all things that I shouldn't be stewing over in my mind. It can't be healthy to be in a constant state of anxiety but it's so hard to not think about the reality of how fragile life is, and how quickly it can be taken from us.

38 Weeks and Comparison Photos

8 weeks

38 weeks

*How far along?: 38 Weeks
*Total weight gain: 18lbs from pre-pregnancy weight
*How big is baby?: Around 6.5lbs
*Maternity clothes?: I'm mainly in pjs and maternity clothes
*Sleep?: We have been using a new box fan by the bed and it lulls me to sleep!
*Best moment this week?: Setting the bassinet next to the bed :) Can't wait to put a baby in there! Also, Darin and Misty had their baby Friday. He's a cutie!
*Movement?: She's getting really cramped in there. Not a lot of room to move.
*Food cravings?: I have been a bottomless pit this week. I eat everything!
*Labor signs?: I've leaked milk 2 nights this week! She's also dropped.
*Belly button in or out?: Still the same.
*What I miss: Being busy
*What I'm looking forward to: Meeting my daughter.
*Milestone: We are 100% finished preparing and are just waiting for her to arrive now that she's dropped. ::please come soon Lillian::

37 Weeks and a VIDEO!

*How far along?: 37 Weeks
*Total weight gain: 20lbs
*How big is baby?: Around 6lbs
*Maternity clothes?: I wear what covers my belly and doesn't have food stains! lol!
*Sleep?: Yeah, right...
*Best moment this week?: Meh, it's been a slow week.
*Movement?: Watch the video!!!!
*Food cravings?: Cold water
*Labor signs?: Cramping, sore boobs, nausea...this all started today.
*Belly button in or out?: Still the same.
*What I miss: Privacy
*What I'm looking forward to: Seeing Lillian!
*Milestone: She's fully cooked! She's full term now :)

36 Week Survey and Picture

*How far along?: 36 Weeks

*Total weight gain: 20lbs

*How big is baby?: Around 6lbs

*Maternity clothes?: I wear what covers my belly and doesn't have food stains! lol!

*Sleep?: I have not been getting sleep. I go to bed around 11pm. Wake up at 1am to pee, hopefully get back to sleep, wake up at 3am to pee, and usually stay awake until 5am or later before falling back to sleep. Occasionally I'll go back to sleep until I have to pee again, but usually I'm up and in pain. On a good night I wake up at 1, 3, 5, and 7am to pee, and then get out of bed at 9am. On a bad night I'm up at 3 and don't get back to sleep until I can take a mid-morning nap around 9 or 10am.

*Best moment this week?: I just love how much she's moving. Everytime she moves is a "best moment."

*Movement?: I know I just said I love her movement, but last night she decided to move sideways around 3am. That shit seriously hurts! Luckily she goes back down if I move around and try to shift her... but it would be lovely if she stopped doing that.

*Food cravings?: Cookies!

*Labor signs?: Braxton Hicks are still painful because of the size of my uterus, but no other labor signs that I know of.

*Belly button in or out?: Still mostly in. It's pretty flat.

*What I miss: Bending over, getting up, sitting up without help.

*What I'm looking forward to: Seeing Lillian!

*Milestone: I've still made it this far with out stretch marks. ::fingers crossed::

35 Weeks and some pics

*How far along?: 35 Weeks
*Total weight gain: 16.5 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight
*How big is baby?: Around 5lbs
*Maternity clothes?: I just wear what fits now... the options are limited.
*Sleep?: What's that? Is that something I should be doing?
*Best moment this week?: Hearing her heartbeat. It never gets old :)
*Movement?: She is running out of room fast! Poor thing. I can tell she's crammed in there because her movements are more forcefull and cover less space. She hiccups a lot, so when she isn't moving as much they give me peace of mind that she's still alive!
*Food cravings?: Still Sweet Tea
*Labor signs?: Braxton Hicks are getting to be more painful and I've had a little bit more cramping. Freaks me out!
*Belly button in or out?: I have a very stubborn belly button!! Still an innie.
*What I miss: Bending over, getting up, rolling out of bed, sitting up, walking without losing my breath.
*What I'm looking forward to: The day after labor :)
*Milestone: I've still made it this far with out stretch marks (at least none that I can see) Also, my doctor said now is the point they will NOT stop labor!

Some Nursery Pics

I've slacked on posting these! Here are a bunch of pics of the finished nursery (minus the ottoman).

I think clicking on them should make them bigger.

Scared

There's a full moon tonight. I'm having lots of BH contractions and cramping. I'm WIDE awake just wondering how crazy it be if my water broke.

I'm so not ready for that.