Life

Oh life. Sometimes it would be nice to just have some peace. We are so blessed to have this baby, I just want to make sure it has a life filled with the least amount of drama possible.

My grandma on my dad's side passed away. The funeral is Wednesday, and I have so much anxiety going into it. My husband has never met that side of my family and I was hoping my dad wouldn't be there, but just found out that he is already there. My grandmas death was so unexpected, we didn't even know she had cancer. The family said that she was supposed to be done with chemo, and she wasn't supposed to die. She was going to come visit us in February with my aunt. I haven't seen her since 2002 and didn't expect this to be the end. She was only 67.

I can't decide if I want to tell my dad I'm pregnant. I've done everything to forget him and to keep him out of my life. It's not hard, he wouldn't come around anyway. I just don't want him to know what he's missing. I don't want him to meet my husband. I don't want him to see that I'm happy because he doesn't deserve to feel like he had any part in it. He didn't raise me and all he ever brought was sadness and inconsistency.

If there is anything I want for my baby, it's a happy family. I want it to feel loved and cared for and to never question it's own self worth. I want it to know that no matter what it can always rely on us and we will be there through the good times and the bad as loving supportive parents. We'll be there for the first steps, the first words, the first day of school, the first sports games, the first love, the first heartbreak, the first apartment, graduation day, wedding day, each birthday of their own children and everything in between.

It's only Monday and I can tell this is going to be a long week.

6 weeks

*Your BabyThis week starts a period of rapid cellular development for your baby-to-be, who looks like a mini tadpole, with a tiny head and tail. His or her eyes, ears and mouth have begun to form (though they're a little more Discovery Channel "creatures of the sea" documentary than Gerber Baby at this point).Other exciting milestones include:Your baby's heart is now beating to a regular beat, although it's still too faint to hear.His or her arm buds are just beginning to, well, bud. They look like teensy swollen bumps at this point. In a few days, they'll resemble itsy-bitsy flippers.Your baby has grown to ⅛ inch long—about the size of one of the chocolate sprinkles on your last cupcake (and your last ice cream cone, and your last sundae and your last giant cookie ... maybe there is something to those rumors about pregnancy cravings!).*

*3D Pregnancy.com

Baby Brain

My sister told me once, "When you get pregnant, your going to be amazed at how forgetful you become." Little did I know that "baby brain" would pretty much haunt me every single day.

Today it was actually a public embarrassment! I'm driving home from work and start thinking about some things I need to pick up. It dawns on me that I could probably find what I need at CVS. I park in the CVS parking lot determined to find what I'm looking for, walk into the store, head towards the health care section, and completely go blank. What was I there for? Surely if I walk around the aisles something will remind my brain what I'm doing here.

Oh! 75% off lipstick! That's not what I came for, but look at all of these colors! Three lipsticks later and I still have no idea what I'm there for. I walk back to the medicine aisles thinking it must be pregnancy related, but there's really nothing I need! The guy stocking the counters asks "Can I help you find something?" He looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I couldn't remember why I was there. His exact words were, "Well, I've never heard that one before. Let me know if you remember and need help finding it."

I go to the counter to purchase the lipstick. The lady says, "Is there anything I can help you with? Did you find everything you need today?" So I tell her, "I honestly can't remember what I'm here for"... by this point I just feel stupid.

I get in the car and drive a little further down the road. Three blocks away I remember what I went there for. Palmer's Cocoa Butter lotion! I thought maybe getting a head start on using it would help prevent the wear and tear on my skin. But by this point it's too embarrassing to go back.

This isn't just a one time occurrence. Oh no, there's no such luck. This is every time I get in the car, go to the store, take my PNV (which I stick in my pocket as a reminder, pathetic)... the list goes on. OK baby, we're really happy to have you growing in there, but can I have my brain back? Thanks.

My First Outburst

So, last night I made dinner and sat down next to Phil to eat. I asked him curiously how much we should think about spending on baby furniture. Boy did that open a can of worms. He decided to tell me that he plans on leaving the (hideous) puke yellow 60's couch and chair in the nursery. Um, NO. First of all, that's just gross. Who knows what has crawled it's way into that furniture and died.

So, I did what any pregnant woman would do and I cried. I cried my eyes out. I couldn't believe that he would be so insensitive to not even put the comfort of his wife and newborn baby into the equation of what furniture will go in the room. I cried so hard I thought I was going to pass out.

Phil, if you're reading this... When you find a way to grow a set of milk producing breasts to feed our baby at all hours of the night, you can use that awful chair. Until that happens, I will decide on the furniture. Thanks. And while we're on the subject, the next time I cry until I nearly pass out - all it takes is a little comment like "We will find something that works Sarah, I'm sorry I upset you." Then maybe I will stop crying and start breathing again.

5 weeks

*Your baby's microscopic heart begins to beat this week—although it won't be detectable with one of those cool Dopplers for a few weeks, so you'll have to wait a little longer to hear that satisfying "whoosh-whoosh" you're so anxious for. Here's what else is under construction: With the beating of the heart, blood will begin to circulate throughout the body. Your baby's first organ system will be up and running!The beginnings of the brain; the cardiovascular, nervous and reproductive systems; as well as all other major systems are under way. Your baby's new digs—the amniotic sac and the placenta (aka the hotel and the restaurant)—are still forming at this point. (Maybe you should send a housewarming gift.)All that high-speed development and your baby is only 2 millimeters long—about the size of a sesame seed*

*This is from the website 3Dpregnancy.com